it hurts more in the daytime
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So many bounce houses so little time
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
