So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
