I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
