I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
