clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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