Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
