Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
