you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
