Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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