Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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