Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
