just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We don't watch enough power rangers
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
