We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
