i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
