Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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