I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
