cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Did you just see the Batmobile???
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
