i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
