My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
