we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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