my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
