The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
