At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
