Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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