I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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