Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
