I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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