You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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