we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
