Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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