I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
