so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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