he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
