Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
