This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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