Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
