She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
