Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
