i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
