Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He felt like a one man threesome
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize