Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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