Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
