I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
