shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
