It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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