Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
