You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
