remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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