Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
