U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
