If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
