I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
