roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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