As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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