why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
