We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
