dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
