Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize