So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
