I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
