if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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