I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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