i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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