Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
