For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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