I'm drive I can fine osifer
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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