she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
