I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
