I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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