don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
