I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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