How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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