you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
