he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
