he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
