My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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