What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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