youre lurking in front of me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
