That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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