Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
