pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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