Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
