It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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