"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You need a sexual gate keeper
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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