Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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