You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
