I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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