We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
