your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
