I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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