I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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