he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
