I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
