Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
