Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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