if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
