Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
