i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
