i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
