hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
