Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
