dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just found a bag of teeth...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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