dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
