i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
is that a dick in a sweater?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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