It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
