I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
