He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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