I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
